Christmas differently

merry christmas..

this christmas is a special one..
the usual will be filled with good foods, new faces and many laughter...
this one had most of that too but with many more decision concerning the future..

im glad. the cg with God's grace have grown.
i give thanks not just to my fellow members but also really to other cg leaders and members who stood by us.. it was a much needed help... and im just happy to see things fall in place, like there's an order and system around, felt safe and definitely way more confident (in being able to complete the works) than when we started.....

maybe.. THAT was lay out in front of me in such manner deliberately for a purpose.. i mean i dont really learn a lesson out of this but i have definitely experience changes in my life.. what's better is my perspective have also widen thru this season..

thru the whole 2013 i've not really think about what's gg ahead for me.. maybe is the start of school that busy my life out.. it is only this season or technically this month, more specifically the exact moment derrick left for his exchange..
i've pre-am myself that without my leader around things would (naturally) go out of hand in the cg.. so many weeks i did try to talk myself out over and over again haha, its a good mental prep..
but i didt anticipate the many life decision that would come to stack ontop which was totally unprepared..

i choose
to shun away talking about it to others.. i wanted some space for myself to really think about it....
i mean i can really read what's in their mind of my friends once i shared these... and i really do not want to burden them with these... or truthfully i just not want to hear what i knew they will tell me...

i dont want to hear those words of encouragement, always felt it is cheap.......

coming to the mid of december i was really worn out by the vision (or i called it expectation then) of the cg...
i just cant think of a logical explanation for me to cont doing the works of God at THAT moment....
like there's so many impt decision and thoughts i must make regarding to my life than the cg's

but there i found it..........

there is such an immerse presence in this.. like it pierce right to the main flow of blood in my heart, it skipped a beat..

motivating me in such manner.. haha.... definitely His ways are always higher......
MY life to begin with is not just bout me........
my comforter, my constant....