今天有一点想哭

还要再撑9个月 我久久盼望的“自游”将游回我掌控

厌倦这频率 束缚着我的心跳呼吸

难受 但也没折

忍受 将变习惯

有时后不干心 也想勇敢 不顾一切 冲动的任性一次

但勇气也常象流星 终就堕落

平常

质疑是否世界还会有人相信我的梦

相信我的天马行空 我的倔强 我的坚持

失落

檐着光线用手指画出太阳的形状

痴迷着自己虚拟的艺术

生命也被指尖画过去

我

到底在为了什么活下去

enlighten me..

结果还是空虚..... -_-"

wanna paint my room...... =)

生日快乐 维乐

xavier(my ocs bed buddy) sent me a very depressing text...

"i forgot what's my motivation and why i wanted to be an officer"

i reply that ocs instructor

"find out from ur cadet lo.. maybe u will recall.. lol"

and so my 22nd birthday passed peacefully simple ending the day with a dinner

mummy deliberately took an off day waiting patiently at home for me to book out from camp..

arigato.. (ty too to all that wished and celebrate for me.. *grin)

i did't breathe a word about my birthday in camp.. wonder why am i so close up so emo.. age is a factor or just feeling unfamiliar without a platoon sharing my happiness?

ai ya.. where's my cpc where's my sect comm where's my buddy.. missing all of them..

“谢谢你还记得 我那青涩的坚持”

有一些lovesick

或许 想找个伴 来分担

终是挨不过寂寞带来的暗淡

where's my 太阳?

是否 还有

一个肩膀 在等待依靠

一个空虚 等待人填补

一个爱请 等我去追逐

-肉麻

and now a new chapter, end of OCS

and so a commission officer i am.. 9 months of military training ends at the toss of our peaked cap..

CLM

1 white strap cadet rank presentation

tower run

initiation, 2 white strap

family visit

IPPT

Service Term

Skylark

Centipede

Cougar

Rhino
Platoon outfield
Scorpion King

24km march 3 white strap rank presentation on elephant hill

8km fast march beret presentation

BLOCK LEAVE!

IPPT

Pro Term

SEOC

IPPT

Hunter I

Hunter II

Wolf
Castaway
Robison Crusoe
LANCER(bunei)

-Chindit

-Temada
-Hornbill
-JCC

UO live firing

Dump-In

Jaguar
intership
CSB

STARLIGHT(taiwan)

-Homerun

-Pieces

ATP

Panther

Platoon Assault Course
ACPC

Commission lo!

forget all the challenges ppl talk about we'll be facing..

now just celebrate.. =)

we're million miles of water, apart

feels like it here too..

ensemble

booking in again 3 hrs later... =/

ytd went out with da and gy.. wanted to go buckaroo but they complain it being too pricey.. end up at upp thomson long house

1st stop long hse

ate prawn mee.. not nice lei, bo standard..

2nd chiong pang

feeling hungry still(i think is just me ha!) we head to chiong pang for some tau huey.. but poor willard can't stop munching along the way (goreng pisang, red bean, magnum double caramel, and 2 bottle of yeo's).. when we reach i was too full to stuff anything down my throat.. haha walk to a nearby swing to rest..

3rd gy hse

just a short walk away frm chiong pang.. time check 23:00.. i can't believe chicken rice is still selling.. haha 是天意.. with extra meat and a bowl of peanut soup... nice...

just love hanging out with "banana" we never runs out of food and nonsense..

i remember and reflects-

photos on ur wall is interesting.. you look sweet and i'm happy for you.. =)

i'm no longer who i think i am..

the values, habits, thoughts and experience have compose me differently from what i believe i am..

i'm thankful for the transformation done upon me..

changes are constant but only You who brings me joy remain unchanged

everlastingly

go your way...

am i walking this alone?

so fast... mine 10th month serving ns, army.. just another 1 yr to go.. and i will be ORDing soon.. lol.. everything really seems to fly by me lightyear fast .. i try to consolidate my thoughts, making sense to those senseless things, finding meaning at those meaningless past...

so fast... i'm already coming 22 this year.. i met banana -gy, da and lun ytd.. come to think of it.. they've been around for 10yrs now.. i'm appreciative.. secondary school days with them are still back of my head...

my sis says it right.. your 20's will be double paced.. cherish it..

so fast.. tonight i'll be flying off taiwan for exercise... when i come back it'll be just 7wks to commission.. to the day i've been praying for.. the day i'll see my mum smiling, wearing those epaulette on my shoulder..

why so emo?? i don't understand.. it's not like i'm not coming back from this life changing experience.. maybe i'll leave some bad habit, wrong concept there.. bringing back new ideas, new hope... perhaps i'm just afraid of these changes..

recently i took a 1star class with chow jf wy and eh.. we enjoyed it.. and shared how we miss those time we(not to forget loon, yt, mx) sit around at PM waiting talking playing time away.. it's not like we can't do it now no more.. but we no longer can afford that..

evolution? or just aging.. just a method of explanation... words are that cheap.. it doesn't sums up to anything..

i love You

love sick?

歌罗西书

无论做甚麽,都要从心里做

some went their own way

"I love the infantry because they are the underdogs. They are the mud-rain-frost-and-wind boys. They have no comforts, and they even learn to live without the necessities. And in the end they are the guys that wars can't be won without."

-Erine Pyle

这人来人往的世界

是否失去后才学会

不是grass is greener at the other side

而是you are always looking at the other side

珍稀你拥有的一切

才不会在回头时叹惋

just 11 more weeks i will be commissioning.. to now i have not regretted choosing infantry as my vocation.. indeed we have come a long way and we know more shit is coming our way still.. haha... we welcome with open arms those who joined us and gave out best wishes to those who progress without us..

nevertheless.. all of us.. choosing to stay here thru this 39 weeks of tough training... is a decision that is life changing... =)

push for our last stretch! 82/11 Charlie wing!

after jcc

21 days out of homeland.. 9 days of wilderness...

EX.normad, explorer, forager, trekker

finally completed jcc.. "purpose-discipline-professionalism"- lakiun camp's motto

this motto have kept my team moving and many times navigate us back on track.. been deeply impacted by the teachings and experience brunei has offered..

a little more i cherish this peace time she build..

a little more i stand in awe this world He mould...

披上一份绝心 继续勇敢下去

next up starlight, panther and of course the long waited commissioning..

也不是我三心两意

也不是你一心二用

一场戏 一首歌 一辈子

起浮不定

跟着旋律摆动 也是一种用心

一份情 用一生 细细品尝

简单的相信 幸福就在下一站

before i fly off

-gonna have dinner with my mum..

-text all of them

-tidy up my room

-rmb to bring everything needed

-keep my morale up

post again when i return.. =)

see ya!

a little of myself a little of just now a little everywhere

just went to onsight with chow and vincent.. that place so boring! maybe because it's new, they have yet bring in "life" to their tiles and gym....

even when the gym is not that fun i still enjoyed myself...

- i realise i don't just love climbing.. i love the companies..

gg to brunei, jcc, soon.. so excited and very nervous..

so now i'm officially left with 8 more days, a spoiled bb(damn the customer service center), a broken toe nail and some anxiety before i fly off to lakiun camp...

i want it.. desperately for the badge to be sewed on my smartest 4.. but then again it's not the pride i'm heading and reaching.. it's the experience.. the decision to be specific.. i want to come to a point where i, being physically tired yet, make that decision to press on.. - to move on

never i want to look back thinking i could have got it.. i want to look back, i did it....

recently, while searching for my stuff in my garang guni room, found my kk ltc trip's diary..(actually i only wrote a few sentences).. read what jacob left for me back at sabah.. a quote that change my life..

"going outdoor to find yourself again" -jacob...

it seems a little familiar.. like gg to the wilderness to wrestle for 40 days.. haha...

it makes a picture.. He taught me a lesson...

i guess the desire to impress have overtaken the desire to excel..

now i'm gg back to the basic, to the start, to the heart... and really move on this time...

Moments where i sit around with my friend.. letting time pass us by.. waiting for something to happen..

a motivation

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time."

- lewis "chesty" puller

Lieutenant General, US marine corps

I really wonder if i can pick up my courage and make such quote in times of pressure?

I'm really sick of those so called officers....... refresh, restart, reboot, recharge my mind.. tune it to Your frequency..

april 16, little soul to soul

again this date.. haha...

many event to update
-enlist ocs
-did a 28 days RCP and total 32 days in camp stay
-just 1 more week to pro term

i wonder what really motivates me(that much)?

anxiety about the future..
so truthfully, i asked myself, i'm running this race for a greater purpose or just matching my self-esteem? is again the pride issue...

why is EVERYONE so prideful bout their success? you should know very clearly the moments you stop, prolong, to celebrate your present victory is also time that you're wasting away to getting closer to your finishing line..
gotta stop dwelling on our pass successes..

the future is filled with uncertainty, that alone makes living... fun.



i splinter my life in front of You just so You can glue me back with love.

messed up